What the Kids Are Saying about the Election

"I don't like either of them. Neither of them are going to change anything."

I've heard this from three people aged between 19 and 24. My shock was apparent on my face, as my jaw unhinged and my eyes popped out.

Oh. My. God. Neither of them is going to change anything? Huh? Obama's very existence changes everything. In case the youth of America is colorblind, let me spell it out for you: Obama is black. (He's also white, but, since this is America, that doesn't matter.*) He is also a DEMOCRAT, the election of which would mean a systemic regime change. He is also going to change the way this country interacts with other countries.

But I know, Obama isn't Change That College Students Can Believe In. Why not? Well, college students want real change. Like, awesome change. Like Presidents skateboarding out of crashing helicopters. Like Ron Paul wearing a cape and destroying governmental institutions. Like Dennis Kucinich... being smart?

The point is, the youth of America want radical change so much (and yet, don't really know what they want to change, or how much, or if it's even a good idea) that they're unwilling to see that Obama IS change. It might not be awesome change, or radical change, but it's change enough for me.

"I hate both of them."

But Barack Obama is your new bicycle! And McCain's... daughter is hot?

To the "hate both of them" problem I say this: figure out who you hate more, and vote for the other one. That's what I'm doing. I'd hate another presidency that refuses to acknowledge that the liberals in this country are as American as the conservatives. I'd hate to put the guy who chose Sarah Palin as a running mate in charge of bigger decisions. I'd hate to have an obstinate, bulldoggish Prez who won't talk to other countries.

I feel that this technique may have gotten another Obama vote already.

"I hate both of them equally."

Okay, then you just haven't been paying attention. You probably said you hate them both because you want to seem like you're intelligent enough to disdain both candidates for legitimate reasons. You don't want to look like an apathetic doosh. I can't blame you for trying; if I was an apathetic doosh, I'm sure I'd want to cover it up.

When faced with this comment, I sort of sputter out things about McCain's campaign and terrorist links and racism and Bush and polarization, but I don't have much hope that anything will sink in.


*I am being sarcastic and bitter, in case you're colorblind literalists with no sense of the tongue-in-cheek.