Commiserating

Aak, you make me proud that I chose you as a co-blogger, despite recent irritations. Limbo, and difficulty to concentrate due to it, pretty much sum up the past few years of my life, and it's coming to a head these days with my decision to go back to school. It's been a very long time since I could just forget myself and just do something. Hobbies included. There's this lingering sense of "what the hell is going to happen to me?" all the time. It's there when I wake up and go to bed, chit chat with people in my every day life, block (blog mock - an aak original portmanteau) my friend, f%&&ing apply for jobs, etc...

I've heard people say that in order to stay motivated toward a goal over time you need a specific and clearly stated end in mind. It helps to write it down, give yourself a timeline and measurable steps and so forth. That's great and I agree, but the process of figuring out a valid end seems to be a learnable skill, not an innate one - at least not for me. How could you not know what you want? I have asked myself that question many times. Phrases like analysis paralysis and overwhelmed by choice come to mind.

I'm sure this confusion isn't rare. It's just extremely difficult to convey how profoundly difficult it is to just pick up and move forward from a prolonged stage like this. My fix at the moment is to dedicate huge chunks of time to getting what is objectively needed for someone in my situation: reasonably decent work & going back to school. Hours go by and sometimes tangible results come of it, sometimes not. But if I dedicate this time over and over again, while eliminating distraction, my brain gets used to the idea. It gives me something to expand upon.

When I started blogging I had no intention of making it personal. Sue me.